The Day I Said "No" To Fear

Today was my video interview at Revolution Fitness, the gym that I have been a member of for about 3 and a half years. I wish I wasn't so camera shy and didn't stutter as much as I did. I think I relayed all the information that I wanted to relay in a concise and laconic manner, but I do wish that I talked about my current trainer more. Since I don't think that I gave her enough credit, I'd like to write a short bit about how she changed my life.

...and then those people become your friends :)

Since I met Nicki last July,  I have changed dramatically not only physically, but also spiritually. In part my change came from my inner desire to change and part of it was her contagiously positive attitude. Through my training with her I have learned the power of positive self talk, benefits of various exercises, and the necessity to truly believe in the goals that I set for myself. I have to say here, that I knew all of these things before, I heard these things before, I just needed to be ready to accept them.Whether it is through a specific method of delivery or just because I view her as a true inspiration, my eyes were opened and I saw myself for who I truly am-- an ATHLETE.

I have to tell you a story about this woman's dedication and passion for what she does. This is also a story of a defining moment in my training, the movement that I truly committed and became fearless.

At the beginning of September 2012 I was in a very dark and lonely place. I was lost in doubt, in self hatred, and a sea of overall negativity. That sunny, September day I had a rough workout, I was not feeling well, I had zero energy, and the only thing that I wanted to do was to stop feeling like I lost control of everything.

As I was walking up to the towel rack, feeling discouraged, clear as day I heard Anna's voice in my head (Anna is my previous trainer and owner of Revolution Fitness who first introduced me to quality training) "Kseniya, I don't understand what you are doing! Are you running a race or are you not running a race?" these words were said to months before in part out of concern and in part out frustration over my own frustration with the lack of my progress. Anna was right, I wasn't committed, I was just talking about being committed. In that moment, it was clear to me, I have to stop talking and start doing. I had all the resources available to me: a wonderful trainer, a great gym, an awesome support system, there was nothing in my way!

When I got home that night, I signed up for my very first 5K race. I was very nervous hitting "submit" on the registration form, but I knew that if I didn't hit that button, I'd be full of it again.  During my next training session, to cement my commitment, I told Nicki that I signed up for my very first 5K race. She looked at me and asked with a smile: "Really? Which one are you running, I'll run with you!"I was in disbelief. Really? She is actually going to go and run a race with me? Me, a slow poke, who will probably throw up 5 minutes in? Wow! Why would anyone do that? (didn't I tell you that I was really down on myself?)

Up to the time that I saw her at the number pick up table, that early Saturday morning, I don't think I fully believed that there is a person willing to help me battle, what seemed like, a perpetual uphill struggle. The horn went of and immediately Nicki began pacing me, talking to me, walking me through this new race thing. She ran by my side the whole way, helped me stay out of my own head by calming me down when I freaked out about a side stitch, helped me fight the hills, and got me to the finish line with a better time then I expected. When I crossed the finish, I wanted to throw up. I think I even teared up a little from pure exhaustion. Nicki stayed by my side, made sure that I was ok, and talked to me the entire time. She was trying to take my mind of off feeling the discomfort of a hard race.  After that, we got bananas and walked back to our cars. I drove home in stunned disbelief because I just finished my first 5k in under 40 minutes and Nicki went for a long run with her friends (yes, 5K was just her warmup).

 I heard from other runners that you will never forget your first race. My race was made that much more memorable by my resolution to never again allow myself to go backwards or give up on myself. There was a person out there that believed in me more, at that time, than I believed in myself, which means that there is never a reason for me to doubt what I can do. You are your biggest fan and cheerleader, after all!

I don't think that there will ever be enough words to describe the multitude of ways in which fitness and running impacted my life. I honestly don't think that I would be here if I never crossed the threshold of Revolution Fitness and consequently I would have never met a person that I consider  a great friend and an amazing trainer.